Wild Hearted.

Since I was a child I have always been on the move. Always getting myself into trouble. Always losing myself in my wild imagination. Always on the run, leaving, never staying. Commitment has always been a ring far too big to fit on my finger, slipping and sliding from my life, never consistent. And it makes me extremely sad that something can hurt someone so badly when they are younger that they never quite recover from it. I never believed in permanence, because even permanent marker washed off. I never believed that moms and dads could be happy together, or that there were good moms and dads, because my parents were never around for me. And sometimes I wish I could just stop, and breath. But when does the breathing get easier?

My grandmother once told me I was a starter not a finisher. I would start something and quickly dispose of it. Soccer, swim, singing, piano, cooking, relationships, friends, track, dance, softball, writing; I never stuck with anything as much as I put my heart into it at first, it all seemed pointless towards the end. Although, I met a man, his eyes were only brown, but when I looked into them I saw colors that didn't even exist. How he managed to make me feel so safe is beyond me, but I swear to god I will never take it for granted. When I couldn't see in front of me, I trusted him to help me find my way down the path. He has since caused my fluttering heart to want to settle down. It's cliché, but he saved me, he is saving me.

Someday I hope to be able to be the girl who stays, and doesn't leave. I hope that I can be the type of women to settle into a routine. Be a women who gets up in the morning to make breakfast for her family instead of sleeping in until noon and having to convince myself to get out of bed. Be a women that can look at herself and be happy with the reflection instead of covering every mirror in sight. The type of women to cook healthy casseroles instead of starving myself than binging on celery and oranges. The type of women that can pour her love into someone who loves her back. The type of women who stays, and doesn't go.

-S.M.