The L Word.

A lot of people throw around the phrases, "I love you" and "I'm in love with you" far too much. We use love as a synonym for care, because we don't know how to express our feelings in words. You can deeply care for someone beyond recognition, but not love them. It's possible. Love is hard to explain. It's a difficult word to explain because I do not know much about it myself. It's like when you look at that person, you can't even begin to imagine what life is without them, it's like knowing that no matter what they do, or what they say they are always going to have a special place inside your heart. And years from now that person may still cross your mind, but they might not be there, and as heartbreaking as that might seem, that's the beautiful thing about love. We get to experience love on so many different spectrum's, the passionate love, the messy love, the romantic love, the impulsive love, the drop dead amazing love. Love has no boundaries, and whether it be 2 months or 2 years that does not measure the amount you can love someone.

I have dated many guys, but out of those many I've only really loved 3 of them. Infatuation and lust played a big part, and like many I threw around the L word many times when I was younger, when I experienced actual love, all those others that I 'loved' seemed so mediocre, and I knew that I might have cared for them, but I never loved any of them. I loved a boy who had aqua blue eyes, and a selfish heart, he wouldn't even look at me twice. I loved a boy with green eyes and a freckled face. I loved a boy with eyes as dark as chocolate, and a smile that absolutely radiated my entire world. And through these loves I found peace within myself, I found forgiveness, and I found hope. Throughout the last 3 years, I have made myself so miserable. I discounted myself. I poured myself into others that didn't deserve my love, nor my friendship. I never realized that until someone started treating me with respect, and I realize now that I am not weak for walking away from others so quickly, I am so strong and I deserve so much better. I have realized you cannot hold onto people when they're already gone. That you cannot be with someone you've grown to resent. You cannot continue to give your all when there is nothing in return. You cannot hold grudges if you want to be happy. That I'm always going to love these 3 boys no matter the circumstances.


To the boy with aqua blue eyes: Thank you.

To the boy with freckled cheeks: Thank you.

To the boy with a beautiful smile: Thank you.

-S.M.

"There's a big difference between falling in love and being in love. There's a big difference between infatuation and falling in love."

-Phil McGraw